Somewhere between packing tiffins, managing school WhatsApp groups, and remembering that it is someone’s birthday and you have approximately forty minutes to get a gift, self-care quietly fell off the list. Not dramatically. Just gradually, the way things do when you are the person who holds everything together, and there is simply no obvious slot in the day for you.
I have been there. I am still there on many days. And if you are reading this at an odd hour with a half-drunk cup of chai that went cold twenty minutes ago, hello, this one is for you.
The good news is that self-care does not have to be a whole production. It does not require a Saturday free of responsibilities or a budget for a facial. It just requires you to stop treating yourself as the last item on the list.
Here are eight things that have actually helped me, as a mom in the middle of real life with real chaos.
1. Stop Waiting for a Big Block of Time
This is the one that changed things for me. I kept telling myself I would rest when things slowed down, I would exercise when the schedule cleared, and I would read when the kids were older. None of those things happened because life does not slow down. It just reshapes its chaos.
Ten minutes of something you enjoy is not nothing. It is actually quite a lot when you string those ten minutes together consistently. A short walk before anyone else wakes up. Five pages of a book. Sitting with your chai while it is still hot, without your phone, without a task running in your head. These are not substitutes for real rest. They are really resting. Start treating them that way.
2. Build a Skincare Routine You Will Actually Do
A two-minute skincare routine you do every night is worth infinitely more than an elaborate one you do twice a month. I spent years buying things that sat on the shelf because the routine felt too complicated to sustain on a tired evening.
Now I keep it simple: a good cleanser, a toner, a moisturiser, and sunscreen in the morning. That is it. Your skin is quite literally the thing you live in. It deserves thirty seconds.
3. Eat Your Meals Like They Matter
Indian moms have a specific superpower where they ensure everyone else at the table has eaten before they sit down, and then they eat whatever is left, standing in the kitchen, already thinking about what needs to happen next. I have done this so many times, I have lost count.
Sit down. Eat your food. Taste it. This is not revolutionary advice, but it is the kind of thing we collectively need reminding of because we keep not doing it.
4. Say No to One Thing This Week
Not everything. Just one thing. One obligation that is not actually mandatory but has become a habit of yes. One commitment that leaves you more drained than fulfilled. One thing you agreed to because it felt rude to decline.
Saying no is not a personality flaw. It is how you protect the energy you need to show up well for the things that actually matter to you. Practice it on something small. It gets easier.
5. Move Your Body in a Way That Does Not Feel Like Punishment
Exercise does not have to be a gym membership or a forty-five-minute workout. It can be a twenty-minute walk in the evening. It can be dancing badly in the kitchen while dinner is on the stove. It can be stretching for ten minutes after the kids go to bed.
The goal is not a fitness transformation. The goal is to feel like you live in your body rather than just operating it. Movement that you enjoy, even slightly, is movement you will actually keep doing.
6. Sleep Is Not a Reward, It Is a Requirement
I know this one feels impossible depending on what stage of motherhood you are in. But if you are staying up late scrolling after the kids sleep because it is the only quiet time you get, I completely understand that, and also gently suggest that at least some of those nights need to end with sleep instead.
Chronic sleep deprivation affects mood, patience, skin, immunity, and decision-making in ways that cannot be offset by caffeine. Sleep is not a luxury you earn after everything is done. Everything is never done. Sleep anyway.
7. Have One Thing That is Yours
A hobby, a group, an interest, a practice. Something that has nothing to do with being someone’s mother, someone’s partner, someone’s employee. Something you do purely because it gives you something.
For me, it is writing. For you, it might be a book club, a pottery class, a running group, cooking something complicated on a Sunday, or even just a playlist you listen to alone on a commute. It does not need to be impressive or productive. It just needs to be yours.
8. Talk to Someone
This is the one we skip most often in India because we have been trained to manage, to cope, to not make a fuss. But carrying everything quietly is not a strength. It is just carrying everything quietly, and it is exhausting.
Talk to a friend who gets it. Talk to your partner. Talk to a therapist if things feel heavier than usual, and please do not let the stigma be the reason you do not. Saying you are struggling is not a weakness. It is just honesty, and honesty is a good place to start.
You cannot pour endlessly from something that never gets refilled. Self-care is not selfish. It is just maintenance. And you, more than anyone, deserve to be maintained well.
Saba scribbles 